Anyone who's experienced the hospitalization or death of a family
member, coworker, neighbor or friend due to that person's attempted or completed suicide has asked, "Why? Why didn't
I know s/he was feeling that bad?" and "What could I have done to help prevent it?"
The
following are some facts about suicide that may help you prevent it in someone you know.
It's
important to talk about it. Many of us have the impression that asking a depressed person if they feel like
killing themselves is like asking a starving person if they feel like eating that turkey sandwich that's in the fridge.
We're afraid of planting the idea in someone's head and, in a sense, inciting them to do it. The fact is, if
a person hasn't considered suicide, no amount of asking is going to make them do it. If someone asked if you were thinking
of killing yourself, would you suddenly find it an appealing option? But if someone is considering it, asking
may be the only way to find out. As taboo as it may feel to talk openly about thoughts of suicide, that's how much shame
a suicidal person can feel about sharing his or her thoughts with you. Asking lets them know that it's okay for them to
be open with you about their suicidal thoughts. The other obstacle is our own discomfort with the topic. Is it worth
saving someone's life to get over the awkwardness and ask the question? You bet it is. You can't prevent something
you don't see coming. If you don't ask, you may not find out until it's too late.
And by the way, counseling can be very helpful to people thinking of suicide, but
don't assume just because the person is in therapy that it won't help them to be able to talk with you about it.
Certain lifestyles and professions facilitate suicide. Understand that no particular
profession CAUSES people to commit suicide. There's a confluence of circumstances that must come together before conditions
are ripe, but no single factor is causative on its own. Having said that, professions and hobbies that champion the idea
of "pain for gain" serve to habituate people to hurting themselves. Medical professionals, including dentists,
become used to "hurting" people in order to help them. Athletes "hurt" themselves in order
to become stronger. Adrenaline junkies continually hurt their bodies while pursuing extreme hobbies. People with
anorexia willingly endure the "hurt" of hunger. People who cut themselves are used to the hurt that
leads to relief from internal agony. All of these people, unlike the general population, have un-learned the inborn reflex
against self-harm. In short, they can hurt themselves if they desire to do so. This does not mean that these groups
of people are more interested killing themselves, but if you know someone who's depressed, AND that person is used
to pain, you'll want to ask them if they're thinking about suicide.
Social isolation is a risk
factor. People who feel connected to others, who experience a feeling of belonging and sense that they're
important to others, don't tend to complete suicide. Mothers with children are less likely to commit suicide than women
with no children, for example. However, feelings of being connected and cared about can't be viewed from the outside;
don't assume that a person with lots of friends or a large family feels a sense of belonging. Have you ever felt alone
in a room full of people? Some folks feel that way all the time. It's a dreadful feeling that's hard to bear. The
best way for you to help others feel that they belong, is to reach out to them yourself. Let isolated people know you
care about them. Ask them about their inner experience, and listen to what they tell you. There are signs
you can watch for. Even if people don't want to die, they may end up killing themselves just because they
can't see other available options. We need to take responsibility for those who can't or won't get help. If a person has a plan for how they will kill themselves; if they have
the means to carry out that plan; and if they have intent to do so, you should act immediately.
If you can get the person to a hospital, do so. If you can't get them to a hospital, call 911. For less imminent
situations and to learn about local resources, you can call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You
can also call the telephone numbers in red on the chart on the Resources page if you are in the Portland area.
Suicide is often, but not always, preventable. Many,
many people have thoughts about killing themselves at some point in their lives. Only a small percentage of those people actually
attempt to do so. And an even smaller number of those people are successful. You have a certain power to intervene, but
you are not omnipotent; a person who genuinely wants to die may not share their thoughts with anyone, even when asked.
You can't prevent every suicide. But you can educate yourself and do your part. If you make yourself available to a
depressed person, let them know you care, ask about their thoughts and feelings, urge them to seek counseling, and watch for
the signs mentioned above, you will be doing your part to help prevent suicide.
If you have lost - or nearly lost - someone to this tragic phenomenon, do seek counseling and/or social support if
you need help working through your feelings about it. You don't need to go through this alone.
