Possible signs of high self-esteem |
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Sharing ourselves with others feels dangerous when
there is the secret fear that we don't measure up. Low self-esteem can leave us feeling too vulnerable to let others get close.
But high self-esteem says it's okay for others to see who we really are - we're worth a look. While many people
with lower self-esteem may fiercely pursue relationships, true intimacy is often lacking.
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Actively seeking work that you enjoy
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There are many reasons why people remain in jobs they
hate. Most people will say they feel stuck, and for some of these people, their options are genuinely limited by circumstances.
But for every person who is actually trapped in a job he or she doesn't like, there are a dozen more who
stay in unsatisfying jobs through sheer inertia. High self-esteem encourages us to reach for the stars, not because we're so
great, or better than other people, but because we know it's perfectly natural for us to want to be satisfied and
productive for the hours we spend at work.
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Valuing honesty in self and others
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There are a number of reasons why dishonesty and
self-esteem are like oil and water. People with low self-esteem are more likely to use dishonesty to protect themselves or
others from some real or imagined consequence of telling the truth. Those with high self-esteem know that they can
hack the consequences of telling the truth, if need be. Being a basically honest person takes no effort when you have
integrity. And integrity is both a cause and a result of high self-esteem.
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Accepting responsibility for the quality of
your life
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People with healthy self-esteem tend to have what's
called in psychology an "internal locus of control." This means that they believe in their own ability to influence
the course and character of their lives. The opposite of an internal locus of control is an external locus of control, which
asserts that life is like a lottery; you just get sick, fired, or hit by a bus because of circumstance, and there's absolutely
nothing you can do about it. Sometimes bad things do happen to good people. But getting a flu shot, changing your work habits
at the first sign of trouble, and looking both ways before crossing the street are things you can do if you want to take
responsibility for your life.
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Caring about your physical health
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Appropriate concern for the state of one's physical
health is a hallmark of self-esteem, because such concern is only present in those who value themselves. To neglect,
abuse or otherwise mistreat your own body is to refuse responsibility for the quality of your life. Please note that
it's impossible to tell who cares about their health just by looking at them; some people who appear healthy are
careless with themselves, and many people who don't meet society's standards for a "healthy" appearance
are diligent in their self-care.
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Liking children
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This one's complex and controversial. Some people
who don't like children might just be partial to silence, logic or germlessness. But for many folks who don't like
kids, it's because being around kids puts them in touch with their own inner children, parts of themselves that feel small,
weak or vulnerable. Often these people were treated without a lot of empathy when they themselves were children, and they'll
be darned if today's kids are going to get better treatment than they did! ... You can't have great self-esteem if
you don't value and embrace all parts of yourself, including the injured child inside.
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Avoiding self-destructive behaviors
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There are many ways to self-destruct. Addictions, poor
financial decisions, reckless driving and dangerous relationships are just a few. People with good self-esteem avoid
situations and people that spell trouble, because inviting trouble is something that doesn't make sense to those who
value themselves and their quality of life. Poor self esteem, on the other hand, says, "Who cares? Not me. I'm not
worth saving from trouble." Or even, "I like trouble; it feels cozily familiar." Self-destructive
impulses can only exist where there's not enough self-esteem. Would you destroy someone you really cared about?
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Taking calculated risks
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Self-esteem seeks success, because success is a natural
state for those who have a positive view of themselves and others. But to be successful, one sometimes has to take chances
that can feel scary. People with healthy self-esteem are able to press forward, even on an uncertain path, when the alternative
is certain stagnation. Their integrity demands that they strive to reach personal goals, even when the outcome is not guaranteed.
They know that the biggest regrets in life are not
the things we tried that didn't work out, but the things we never tried at all.
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Building up other people
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High self-esteem is a gift to both ourselves and others.
We don't have to expend precious energy defending ourselves from imagined insults to our adequacy, or belittling other
people to make us feel better about ourselves. When we feel genuinely happy with who we are, we want other people to
be happy with themselves too. Validating others comes easily when we believe our own thoughts, feelings and opinions matter.
See the article on Validation for more on how to validate others to strengthen your relationships.
Courtesy of www.tinagilbertson.com
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