But what
does it mean to “let go” of a feeling? What are the actual mechanics of that process? And more importantly, does
it actually work?
Think of the last time you attempted to let go of a feeling. How long did it remain "let go" of?
The truth of the matter is, if getting rid of a troubling feeling were simply a matter of deciding to let it go, no one
would read articles like this one. Very few people would seek psychiatric help, or drink themselves into numbness, or give
someone the silent treatment. They wouldn’t have to; they’d just “let go” of those troubling feelings
and move on.
To people who try to manage their feelings by letting them go, it can often seem that their feelings have
a hold of them, rather than the other way around.
Feelings naturally subside after they are fully
experienced. Trying to let go of a feeling you haven’t fully experienced is like selling a house you don’t own;
it may seem to stick for a while, but the consequences will catch up with you.
Once a feeling is triggered by an event
(which could be a thought, a situation, an interaction, or any other intra- or interpersonal phenomenon), the feeling process
is set in motion, and the feeling exists whether you want it to or not. It has to move through you in order to be released.
As many wise folks have asserted before, the only way out is through. Meaning that, to let go of a feeling, you must first
give it its due.
This doesn't mean you should act on every feeling. Having a feeling is different from
acting on a feeling. The two are not inextricably linked. It's one thing to be angry at someone, and to acknowledge
that fact to yourself and possibly others, but it's entirely another thing to act out your anger with an aggressive or
violent act. The first is appropriate and necessary; the second is not. So feel your feelings. They can't hurt anyone by their
mere existence. (See also "Dealing with Anger".)
You might say, “I’m tired of this feeling. I felt it already. When will it be gone?” If you
feel you’ve already been there and done that and you just want to move on, your impatience with your feelings is a clue
that you might not have fully embraced the reality of how you feel. Think about it for a second ... Is it that you’ve
truly felt your feelings deeply, understood and integrated them into your life story? Or is it simply that they’ve
come up for you many, many times before and you're getting tired of trying to bat them away? Remember: The only way out is
through.
