My greatest strength as a counselor is my ability to quickly
get to the root of a problem. The questions I ask are designed to direct your attention to places in your psyche you may not
yet have visited, giving us both a clear view of what was previously in the shadows. Once we've identified exactly what's
going on, we can begin the work of healing the emotional wounds that usually accompany depression, anxiety, low self-esteem,
complicated grief and so many other painful states.
Here are some of the concerns that bring people into my office, and how I work with them:
Low Self-Esteem
Self-esteem is not a feeling; it's a relationship you have with
yourself. If you are super self-critical, you're keeping healing at bay. Being hard on yourself was an adaptive response to
an earlier environment, one in which you weren't sure you were acceptable. But now your self-critical stance is no longer
serving you; you need to learn a different way of being with yourself in order to thrive. My relationship with you, marked
by respect and compassion, serves as a model for a new relationship you can have with yourself - one that inspires and supports
you in your healing, growth and achievement. Depending on where you are, building this relationship with yourself may not
be a quick process, but it is a permanent one. Once you truly esteem yourself at the deepest level, you will not be able to
undo the changes. As Thoreau said in another context, you will "live with the license of a higher order of beings."
(Check out the Authentic Self Esteem Workshop while you're here; it will provide you with a foundation for your work in this area.)
Anxiety
Extensive research tells us that anxiety is a highly treatable
condition. Your body and mind can be trained to stop the cycle of anxiety by the use of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT).
I use CBT techniques as needed in working with folks with anxiety. However, in working with anxious individuals, I am much
more interested in healing anxiety at its roots if possible than in helping you manage anxiety for the rest of your life.
There are usually reasons for anxiety and nervousness that can be understood and worked through, even while using valuable
CBT techniques to manage the symptoms.
Career Issues
Please see the Career Counseling page.
Sadness/Loneliness/Grief
You wouldn't know it from watching television, but it is perfectly normal to feel low sometimes. In fact, feeling
sad or lonely is a healthy response to a loss of connection to yourself and/or others. And grief – in all its forms,
including just feeling numb – is a natural response to an irretrievable loss. Too often,we don't have the support we
need to move into and through these inevitable passages; we feel freakish in our pain, or worse, a burden on others. I'm privileged
to provide you with the support we all deserve when we experience loss or disconnection in our lives... as well as a flashlight
to brighten the path that leads through the pain and out the other side.
Feeling stuck
Samuel Johnson said, “The business of life is to move forward.”
When you feel paralyzed, unable to get on with the business of life, counseling can help. I think of this sort of mental/emotional
paralysis as a natural way station. Something inside you is saying, “Wait! I'm not ready!” That voice may be drowned
out temporarily by things you do to try to force yourself to get going, but it will not go away completely, nor give up its
hold on you, until you fully hear and understand the important message you have for yourself. It's a paradox: In order to
move forward, you must, for a time, stop moving altogether and be still. Therapy can help you do that in a purposeful way,
so you can free yourself to get going again.
Curious about counseling
Many people move along their life path feeling generally successful and content... Then along comes a landmark birthday
- you find yourself turning 30, or 40, or 50 , etc. – and suddenly there are questions. Who am I? How did I get to where
I am now? What does the future hold for me? Psychotherapy can help clarify personal values, illuminate underlying patterns
& themes, and pave the way for the next phase of your journey. Just about anyone can benefit from working with a trained
counselor or therapist. My questions will encourage you to open doors within you that may have had “No entry”
signs on them for years. Behind them, there are often unexpected treasures.
"Identity crisis"
Feeling empty inside, not knowing who you are, is one of the
most painful states we humans can experience. It doesn't matter how much wealth you have, or how high-powered you are at work,
or how many people admire you. No one is immune to a crisis of identity. Therapy and counseling are uniquely suited to helping
you get to know the real you. In counseling people with feelings of emptiness or identity confusion, I focus on using our
relationship to help you experience your real self in connection to another. You can get tools and homework from self-help
books, but only another human being can be the mirror that shows you your true self.
Psychotherapy is not for the faint of heart. The gold is sometimes
buried under what feels a lot like muck. But the rewards can be exhilarating.
If you're not sure you're ready
You can check out my office, my style, and my tea selection without the one-on-one dynamic by attending one of my
workshops or classes. They're informative and entertaining, according to my mother.
I look forward to meeting you!
